The Simple Art of Living Happier

 

n Herman Hesse's novel Siddhartha , the protagonist and his friends leave home, selling off all their possessions in search of spiritual enlightenment. They decided to live wandering, homeless, away from the known to come to the unknown. It wasn't an easy life, but it was one they chose. When in a hurry, they hustle. When not bothered, they meditate. When looking for answers, they wait. And as they move from place to place, they become more and more attached to their goals.

However, in the end they parted ways when they met the Buddha. After hearing the legends of the Enlightened One and then embarking on a quest, both were impressed with the calm composure and simple profoundness of his teachings. His friend, Govinda, stayed behind to become his student, while Siddhartha - although deeply appreciative of what he had learned - decided to continue pursuing other personal goals.

This journey takes him through both space and time: settling in a city, falling in love with a woman, and years later, becoming a merchant. These things, of course, couldn't make him feel at ease, and then he left again. At the next stop, also the last stop, he lived in a small house by the river with an old boatman.

The old man rowing the boat is a simple, quiet person but has an incomparable intellect, able to understand anyone. Living in his own reality, after years of turmoil and enduring all the searching, Siddhartha finally found peace, in an unexpected moment.

Towards the end of his life, Govinda, who was still searching for enlightenment, heard about an old boatman who kept whispering about the answer. This boatman was Siddhartha, who now took over his teacher's job on that river.

When Govinda told Siddhartha he was still a seeker, his old friend shared what he had learned after all these days:

“When someone searches, and that person easily sees only what their eyes want to see, in fact they can't find anything, can't achieve anything, because they only think about what they want. search, because they have only one goal, because they are obsessed with that goal of theirs. Search means: have a goal. But discovery means being free, open and without any goals.”

 

Uncertain realm of fixedness

 

The story of Siddhartha and his friends is set in a world different from the one we live in. It's a simpler, less volatile world.

Their journey is also not the most illusory one we can pursue. The aspiration towards perfection is generally even better than many of the things we aspire to in modern times: money, status, pleasure, etc.

However, the core problem of all those desires and journeys is the same. That is the root of all self-suffering.

Happiness, or more precisely, a lack of unhappiness is a product of the relationship that exists between our subjective expectations and objective reality. In the long run, satisfaction will come when objective reality outweighs subjective expectations.

We all have some influence over what reality brings, but in the end, most things are out of control. And the only solution is to adjust expectations by rearranging personal desires.

In some spiritual ideas, such as Buddhism, the answer to happiness is to reduce, or eliminate, desires. It is not only the evil desires but also the virtuous desires that lead to the endless quest that both Siddhartha and Govinda have dedicated their lives to.

However, the probability for an ordinary person to give up desire and find enlightenment is very small. That's why, what anyone can learn and do - is to expand their "fixed zone".

We all have things we want, and things we want to achieve. But a lot of it is changeable.

Yes, making a lot of money can make our lives better, and of course, winning an award or getting a compliment from someone you admire can confirm your worth. But if there's a world without those things where everyone can live in complete peace, chances are you can too. And the truth is, there is always such a world somewhere, no matter what you desire.

When we desire something, we often try to cling to it. We devote our time, spirit, and energy to it, and in the process, we develop a unilateral obsession that leads to suffering at any time if reality doesn't live up to expectations. . This is self-satisfaction in the search for a particular pleasure.

The only way not to fall into this trap is to expand your “fixed zone” as needed. Relaxing expectations will help you respond to feedback from objective reality. And that can only be achieved when you are willing to step back and let go.

Minimizing and adjusting your subjective expectations is the way to get rid of afflictions.

 

Better Questions, Better Life

 

One reason we fixate on things and then have a hard time letting go is because we took the wrong first steps in the first place: We started with the wrong questions.

Almost everything that motivates you to take action begins with a question, whether you realize it or not. The simple reason is that before you want an answer, you need to define what you're looking for. Almost everything we look for comes from borrowed ideas. Depending on our culture, the environment in which we grew up, we are forged by pre-formed economic, social and mental backgrounds before we are mature enough to know better. In adulthood, many ideas are so deeply embedded in our minds that we don't even notice them.

For example, the question of meaning is one such case. In Western society, we are growing more and more mundane. Religion is in decline. You can see that as good or bad, but in a way it opens up a question: What is the meaning of life? What really makes sense? Why?

In an overarching religious environment, the answers to these questions become so obvious that even if they pop into your mind again and again, they cause no suffering, because belief in existence is the answer. But in a more mundane environment, these questions lead to a lot of nihilism, the belief that nothing matters. This fixation then turns out to cause more suffering than we imagined.

And here's a follow-up built by Alan Watts:

“If this universe is meaningless, then the meaning and purpose of a dance is just dancing.”

By redefining the context and interrelation of things, we have completely negated the potential pain of a meaningless life, as Alan Watts himself metaphorically said: Who are you to bring? What are the meanings for a world that is simply that? A world you don't even understand? It's possible that the way you look at life is inherently wrong, and your brain isn't even capable of asking the right questions.

Questions create context; the context defines the boundaries; boundaries determine shapes; And these shape, then, limit or enhance your subjective ability to live happily or suffer.

The solution to most problems is not inherently eliminating them, but rather allowing you to ask better questions.

 

Give up

 

Both Siddhartha and Govinda spent their entire lives searching for enlightenment, but it wasn't until they simply stopped searching that they were able to find it.

The question they had been obsessed with for so long was wrong. And the lack of ability to reexamine their original thoughts caused them to waste so many years with a completely wrong answer.

Humans are biologically programmed to crave things. That desire is encoded in the existence machine we call the body. However, this desire leads to a narrow fixation that keeps us from experiencing reality in a happier, less miserable way.

To limit this, we need to develop the flexibility to reshape these desires as we gain more exposure to the objective world.

We need to learn to let go of the inappropriate subjective expectations that we are rigidly clinging to reality, to look for new ones in a more suitable direction, slowly getting rid of "seeking" and coming to " discover".

This journey will also take a lot of work and courage, to dare to look at yourself and decide that maybe it's time to look at things from a different angle, with a different question, but more correct and valuable.

Avoiding suffering is not easy, but it is actually very simple. You just need to walk in the right direction.